I have been unsettled lately.  I can’t really put my finger on it.  I have noticed that when I let my mind wonder to Sierra Leone, and the hurt of this broken world….a battle soon arises.  A battle of thoughts and emotions.  I am then every quick to push those thoughts away.  I’m not ready to face the battle.  I am not ready to navigate my way through the gray areas of life.  Ashamed by my selfishness, fearful of brokenness.  Scared, so scared, that God might call me to leave ‘the sterile hallways of religion.’  Not sure what God pressing on my heart, but terrified to figure it out.  But why?  Do I not want to be where God is?  God is in the messiness of this world.  He is not in the black and white, but in the gray.  He is under the banana tree with that beautiful forgotten child.  Why am I not willing to go there with Him?